what's a guy to think.. seriously?

I make no apologies this time, this is all cryptic for a reason, but if you can glean your own meaning from all of this...then it's as good as knowing exactly what I mean.

This is what I do mean though, last time it all fell apart catastrophically and there was nothing I could do to help it.

This time I'm in the position to do several types of right.

But I'm not doing any of those things because the complications are just so worth it.

She can complicate me anytime....

Confessional

Forgive me blogger for I have sinned.. it has been over a year since my last post.. Not much of a sin really, the whole need for a blog kind of evaporated.. along with so many other things that I thought were my life. I never thought i'd feel so lost being at home. I am so used to my time away now that when I am back it feels different. It could just be me, but part of me feels like i'm leaving a gap that is quickly filled.. not just covered over temporarily when i'm gone. Next time I am back it will feel even more like a strange place.. even my room won't be mine any longer. I won't have a home. I lose faith in people more, I see the real persona of many.. and still find myself suckered in by them. Always trying to help, to fix them.. no matter the expense to me, my time, my efforts. I need to stop.. and soon. Mr nice guy.. always lending an ear.. always mis-reading the signals. Always coming last.. and often left in the dark. I'm not afraid of the dark, I just hate not knowing why I get surrounded by it. People don't talk anymore.. they run.. they hide.. they ignore. None of this helps anyone.. not even them. Too many emotions right now to try and comprehend explanation.. maybe another night.. Thanks blogger.. as always a good listener...

Waiting...

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Bored...
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Can I just go now please?

Lyrics for a song called 'Tonight' by Easyworld...

Forget me if you can
This I understand too well
A fail to make you mine
Heart attack and lime taste good
A thousand broken hearts
Littering your path through here
Tell me that you lied
Say you never think of me
But tonight before you sleep
There will be a you and me
And I hope I'm on your mind
When you wake. Oh
Its worn away in time
The fingerprints on mine still show
This chance as good as blown
Don't want to be alone, tonight
A thousand broken hearts
Littering your path through here
Oh it's so beautiful and sad
Need for nothing but I want you bad
But tonight before you sleep
There will be a you and me
And I hope I'm on your mind when you wake, oh
When you wake, oh anything at all
Will you say the word oh will you give me anything at all tonight
The sun will burn the sea
You'll waste yourself on me, tonight.
And tonight before you sleep
There will be a you and me
And I hope I'm on your mind
When you wake.

Not the butterfly i thought she was..

No.. just a preying mantis!

It'd suck to be a caterpillar..

There you are one day, going about your everyday life. Exploring another plant, another tree.. shuffling along and eating your leaves. You get a bit tired maybe, decide to have a nap. The next thing you've fallen asleep in this cheap looking sleeping bag, hanging upside down, and end up staying there for a while.

Don't think anyone can really say what happens in there.. it's almost like a drag act changing room if you ask me.

Eventually though you wake up, force youself out.. with the zip not helping you one bit. Daylight ensues, and you've lost a whole ton of weight and grown a pair of wings that'll turn heads wherever you fly. (This also being a skill you instinctively just happen to pick up whilst you slept). And you're off and away, travelling far and wide with your new found freedom. Epic? I'm not so sure..

What if you had a mate, what if you'd found the one.. you spent all your time together. Two caterpillars sitting in a tree k i s s.. etc. What happens when one of you has blossomed into a beautiful butterfly and the other is still shuffling around on his leaf? He may have even waited outside your cocoon, keeping it safe from harm.

Would the butterfly even remember the past life shared? Would it fly away with some regret, but knowing a butterfly and caterpillar just won't work out? Does it wait for their beloved to transform so they can fly away together?

It's all kind of heart breaking when you think about it really.. nothing is ever easy is it?

Who needs ultimatums anyway...

It has been a proper strenuous time of late but as they say, every cloud...

and it's been a complete personal storm of a cloud too..

but the silver lining is so so good..

i've never been happier with anything in life than right now, and that's with a ton of crap still to sort out..

the most important aspect has never been better, and is only going to get better now.. and that's a promise.

^^