what's a guy to think.. seriously?

I make no apologies this time, this is all cryptic for a reason, but if you can glean your own meaning from all of this...then it's as good as knowing exactly what I mean.

This is what I do mean though, last time it all fell apart catastrophically and there was nothing I could do to help it.

This time I'm in the position to do several types of right.

But I'm not doing any of those things because the complications are just so worth it.

She can complicate me anytime....

Confessional

Forgive me blogger for I have sinned.. it has been over a year since my last post.. Not much of a sin really, the whole need for a blog kind of evaporated.. along with so many other things that I thought were my life. I never thought i'd feel so lost being at home. I am so used to my time away now that when I am back it feels different. It could just be me, but part of me feels like i'm leaving a gap that is quickly filled.. not just covered over temporarily when i'm gone. Next time I am back it will feel even more like a strange place.. even my room won't be mine any longer. I won't have a home. I lose faith in people more, I see the real persona of many.. and still find myself suckered in by them. Always trying to help, to fix them.. no matter the expense to me, my time, my efforts. I need to stop.. and soon. Mr nice guy.. always lending an ear.. always mis-reading the signals. Always coming last.. and often left in the dark. I'm not afraid of the dark, I just hate not knowing why I get surrounded by it. People don't talk anymore.. they run.. they hide.. they ignore. None of this helps anyone.. not even them. Too many emotions right now to try and comprehend explanation.. maybe another night.. Thanks blogger.. as always a good listener...